truth

Why Cant us women have brains like men, think of one thing, put that one thing away and move on to the next thing....no, not us women, we think of 8000 things at once and forever dwell on the same things, even the things we can't change, or things that happen 20 years ago

Over the last year or 2 I have been dealing with some pretty major shit, within myself, I thought I knew what triggered it, but I am beginning to think that was not the case at all, I am now thinking this has been inside for many years, like 20 or more. I am working my way through it, I know it won't be easy, but I am sure hoping that when I come out the other side I will be fixed, (or healed as the pros say) and I am hoping I will be a better version of myself than I am now

Right now I am suffering from depression and very high anxiety, to the point where most days I don't even want to face the world, I want to hide in my room and sew or crochet, because those activities occupy my brain enough that it is tricked into thinking all is good. Don't get me wrong, I do question "what person alone needs 17 quilts" and "if said person has 17 quilts do they really need a crocheted afghan as well" the answer to both of those questions being "Yes, of course silly"

I am also finding that when I am away from my house, I am 'ok' 'normal' if you wish, but as soon as I turn off the grid road and head back into my yard I feel the massive weight coming back onto my shoulders.

Some days are better than others, some days I can smile and be 'normal' some days i can break into tears in a matter of moments.

I am changing things up of the blog here to be real, honest, maybe not always nice! But it will be me!!